Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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