i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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