guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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