I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
