I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
