Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
