My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
