I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
