he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
