i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
