we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
