You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
