i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
