What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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