I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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