I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
