But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
