Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
