I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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