I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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