Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
