Dual....:-)
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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