you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
