my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
