I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
