What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize