Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
