just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
