Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you would pick up someone in the library
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
