I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
