whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
