Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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