She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
