and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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