she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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