I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she smelled like a LAN party
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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