the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
