The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
