you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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