his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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