make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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