.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
