One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
