I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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