Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
