watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
