OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
