it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
