guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
