Soap is not a condiment
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
