i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
