I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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