So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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