the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
