I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
