Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
