Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
