i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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