are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
