he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
