I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
