I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
