turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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