Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
