hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
