I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
