Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
