one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
