I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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