You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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