she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I didn't notice because vodka
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
