So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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