well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
