i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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