Already got asked if we're dating
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
